NaBloPoMo

I totally meant to join in national blog posting month, but the 1st rolled around and I had nothing to say, no picture to post, etc. So sue me. Only, not.

I’m sitting here with my Christmas spice candle burning, listening to A Very She & Him Christmas. I guess I’m ready for the holidays. I love Christmas time, and so did my mom. I always felt closest to her around the holidays decorating together, making cookies, shopping. I think that’s why I’m ready for them to be here now.

Speaking of mom, after 15 weeks of waiting, the plaque was finally up on her niche, only it wasn’t the niche I picked. It was the one next to it. I went on Monday and got everything straightened out. The wrong number niche was on the paperwork, but they’re fixing it. We’re going to place her on the 18th. Everything is supposed to be fixed by then.

My Uncle James, the one we went to visit in September, passed away from lung cancer at the end of October. His memorial was this past Saturday. Zach and I went, even though my dad didn’t want to. I knew he was going to undergo more chemo because some cancer had shown in his lymph nodes, but apparently from the time they found it to the time chemo was scheduled, it spread rapidly. He spent the last of his life in the hospital. I”m very sad to have lost him. There’s a lot of other crap going on with the family that is positively disastrous, but I’m not going into that right now.

Maybe I will attempt the rest of NaBloPoMo. We’ll have to see if I can come up with things to post.

spring colors

I went for a little walk to take a picture while the tree was still blooming today. The weather was perfect. Only problem is I’m feeling the oak pollen now.

The pollen count around here is seriously high. It has been for the past couple of weeks. Oak and grass are highest, but I know its the oak that bothers me because when the oak pollen is high, I get sniffly and itchy and headachy. Something else bothers me, ragweed I think.

I’ve been busy with ancestry.com for the last few days. All the commercials finally drove me to go for the free trial. If the information I’m finding is correct, its pretty interesting. I’ve found ancestors that came from Switzerland, Germany, and Ireland. Also one of my great-great grandmothers descends from Cherokee indians. It really shows when you look at me and how well I tan [/sarcasm].

My mom has to go to the hospital next week to have her veins and arteries in her right leg cleaned up. Something like that. I don’t know if they’re doing her left leg too, but the doctor said definitely the right leg. She has clots again. My dad has been miserable all week. He had a doctors appointment today but missed it. I figured he knew since the appointment paper was lying out in plain sight but apparently I still need to remind him. My fault. He really needed to go too. The area around his g-tube is still weepy, sore and infected. He’s not eating much because of it. He probably needs to be in the hospital for more aggressive treatment than what’s being done at home.

I’ve been in a sour mood lately. Last night I was just plain angry at everyone. Angry for the messes they make, angry they don’t do much to help, angry they let themselves get so damn sick. Just angry at the toll its taking on me. I’m not so angry today, but I’m sure I can be set off.

Off to do some dishes. Such joy. And I should probably try to find more food than a spoonful of peanut butter. I’m craving a nice salad.

moody

I haven’t posted any blogs because my mood has been so bad. I’m tired, sore, slightly grumpy, and just worn too thin. I spent the weekend in bed, mostly because I could. There were things I wanted to do but I just ended up not feeling  like doing anything. I went to Lowes and bought some herbs and flowers to pot. I was going to do that on Saturday, but I didn’t. My back is in bad shape as well, so that’s holding me down too. Going to have to go to the doctor this time because its not working itself out. Maybe he can crack me back into shape. I bet its from sitting in all of those chairs at chemo and doctors appointments. I always have a sore back after that.

I was supposed to take my mom to the doctor today but she couldn’t get in and out of my car without more help than I could provide, and the girl at the nursing home didn’t want to send me with her and risk her falling, so they rescheduled the appointment to when they have their wheelchair van available. This means she has more to work on in therapy. She’s not walking very steady either. I’m getting worried.

I took a real picture today instead of a quick I need an iPhone picture.

I got this Phalenopsis last week. I haven’t had an orchid around for a while and this golden one was so pretty I decided to splurge. I’ve had really good luck with them in the past.I could practically ignore them and they’d bloom.

With all of the warmth things are starting to bloom. There are a couple of gorgeous trees blooming. I was going to go for a short walk today to take pictures of them, but I fell asleep instead. Maybe tomorrow. There’s nothing planned for the next couple of days so maybe I’ll rest easy tonight not worrying about getting up and having to hurry out the door.

one of those days

I know, technically I already posted today with my late night post, but screw it. I need to vent, or at least type a bit.

I happened to be driving through downtown Orlando today and had an opportunity to snap a pic. Its the Grand Bohemian hotel downtown.

Grand BohemianI really like driving along Orange Avenue downtown. You’re surrounded by tall buildings, can catch a glimpse of the nightlife scene when nobody is there. I don’t feel so afraid of it anymore. Between driving that and Magnolia Ave I feel fairly oriented downtown. No, I couldn’t tell you what everything is, but I’m getting an idea, and I like that its not so foreign anymore.

I’ve been taking more of my 365 pictures on my iPhone when I’m out, and just directly upload them to flickr. That’s one of the reasons I haven’t been posting all of them. That and I don’t always have anything to say.

My dad got out of the hospital today. I’m hoping its not premature and that his stomach doesn’t get really bad again. I gather its still producing discharge, but they’ve given him stuff to put on it. Whatever, its not like there’s anything I can do about it.

I’ve been in a bad mood today. I couldn’t sleep last night and then was woken up early with a phone call letting me know my dad would be let go early afternoon. Then I called the nursing home about my mom’s appointment with the vascular surgeon on Monday. They want me to take her (hopefully she can get in and out of my car by now). Its at my usual gym time with the trainer but I just rescheduled that since the doctor apparently is only in the office once a week (wtf?). Then a girl from the nursing home called me to tell me I needed to sign readmission papers next time I visit her. Hello? She’s been back a week and a half, what was the holdup? I was expecting that call last week. I settled down to take a nap and was woken by a call to get my dad just when I was settling into a decent sleep. Took about an hour to get him out.

I went to the gym with Zach to try to burn off some of my frustration and, well, anger. I don’t know why I was so damn angry today. I was just resenting everything and feeling very “what about me?” I spent my 20’s, when most of my peers were going to college and exploring who they were raising a child. In my 30’s I started to not only raise a child but care for my parents. When is it going to be my time? As morbid as it is, it will probably be when my parents are dead. How is that any way to live your life? Its not, and I feel like I just exist for other people.

Frustration and anger led to an upset stomach, so I haven’ done anything this evening, except for this. Hope you had a better day.

late night

They’re cute. They know this. Plus they make cute little wheeking noises. They use both of these to their advantage. That’s Wicket on the left, and Peanut to the right.

They were dancing around and putting their noses in the air because they knew it was time for lettuce. A nice big bowl of romaine.

My dad gets out of the hospital either tomorrow afternoon or on Thursday. I’m kind of hoping they keep him until Thursday because he was able to sleep there, and I know he really needs rest. Plus that peg tube area needs to not be oozing and irritated. My mom goes to see her vascular surgeon on Monday to decide what to do about the DVT’s. I’m still betting on a hospital stay.

I still haven’t gotten much done that I thought I would be getting done. I need to make a list and prioritize. Then I’ll have a list to stare at.

I had a bunch of thoughts but now I don’t remember them because I’ve suddenly gotten tired. Goodnight, blog.

Saturday night’s alright for, well, something

I’ve figured something out. Every time I’m in the car and have the radio on, they are playing the same seven songs over and over. Firework and teenage dream by Katy Perry, the crackhead and hot pants songs by Kesha, the new Britney song, Enrique Iglesias song about rudely loving you, and the latest Usher song. I hear them every single time. If I hear anything else its Bruno Mars, the new Lady Gaga, or that old Jason Mraz song. Seriously! No wonder I’ve come to loathe driving so much. Gotta make some CD’s.

I know everyone has mentioned it, but the moon was really gorgeous tonight.

It took me several tries to get that shot. I don’t even remember what mode I was in when I took this one. That’s my 50th picture too. I can’t believe I’ve taken at least one picture a day for that long in a row.

My dad went to MD Anderson to get his blood transfusion at 2:00 this afternoon. I picked him up at 8:00. Turns out there was a recliner in the room so I could have stayed comfortably and gotten some knitting done. Oh well. I didn’t do much with the rest of my day. Did some laundry, went through a stack of mail, watched the last 1/4 of a lap of the Nationwide race, cleaned a little, and bought a ticket to see Florence and the Machine at the Hard Rock Live in June. I have high hopes that things will be a little calmer by then. Now watch it not be because I got that ticket.

How exciting was your day? Hope you did something fun!

decisions

I’m sitting here, listening to John Mayer, trying to decide which sweater to start knitting tomorrow. I’ve got my pattern notebooks out, booklets, magazines, all strewn across my bed.

I’d drag out a book or two if I thought one would help, but I think I’m just going to go with the pattern I was working but needed to start over because it was going to be way too big. It should keep me occupied for a while. I need something that will keep me busy because tomorrow will be a long day. I really should choose something I have to pay attention to so I don’t fall asleep.

At 6am my dad has to report to the hospital for an 8:30 surgery to put in a port for his chemo. After he’s done with that he goes over to have chemo. I don’t know how long the surgery takes, all I know is the doctor called it a “simple procedure.” The chemo takes over three hours. All that time sitting on my butt, I’m not going to know what to do with myself. I don’t expect to be home before mid to late afternoon. Then I still need to have the energy to go visit my mother. If I could be sleeping right now, I would. Of course, just sitting for so long tomorrow is going to wear me out. There’s so much irony in that.

I went all FLY lady on the kitchen sink. I didn’t think I would ever do that because it sounded silly, but I did feel a sense of accomplishment knowing the sink was not only shiny, but clean. Cleaning always makes me feel better, its just getting started that I have so much trouble with. Right now the house really needs to be cleaned, but I just feel so drained all of the time. I’m embarrassed to say there are still a couple of Christmas decorations still out because I’ve been too lazy to deal with it. I need to do something before my mom comes home, not that she’ll complain, but so she feels comfortable. Or actually, so I feel comfortable.

There’s much to be done and tended to and only so much time and so many hands to do it all with. Guess I’m putting Zach to work helping me. He’ll love that.

glum

My mood the past couple of days has been pretty down. I don’t feel like doing anything or seeing anyone. I’ve been over to see my mom, and I went to the gym today for an appointment with the trainer. I did go sit outside in the sun to see if that would improve my mood, but it didn’t. I was just bored and didn’t like looking at the dead grass and lively weeds. If I didn’t have to get out of bed, I probably wouldn’t.

I got a call this morning about my dad being scheduled for surgery to have a port for his chemo put in on Friday. This was something the doctor was going to discuss with him, but apparently they just decided to go ahead and schedule it without his input. My dad didn’t seem too thrilled when I told him about the call. I’m going to have to call the lady back tomorrow and get the information again because I was half asleep when I talked to her.  I’m also supposed to be getting a call from his chemo doctor about what they’re going to do about Friday’s usual chemo. I’m going to be the one losing all of her hair when all of this is said and done.

I’m one of those people claiming my cat is my valentine.

Wow that adjustment messed up the picture. I just noticed that. Really though, I don’t think of my cat as my valentine. I just think of this as Monday. And next year it will be Tuesday.

I’m getting frustrated by project 365. I find myself not knowing what to take a picture of. I’m not improving with my camera or learning anything. I came very close to just quitting the other day. I need to go get some plants. That would give me fresh, lovely stuff to take pictures of. Maybe I can wake up in the morning and go to Lowes. Eh, probably not. Maybe in the afternoon, when I don’t really have time.

Carry on, lovely people.

Saturday night’s alright for racing

Or watching racing on your tv as I was.

Most people who read this blog don’t really care about NASCAR, I’m guessing. I’m not as much of a fan as I used to be. Big Tony Stewart fan, but not so much for watching cars go round and round for hours. But tonight was the Budweiser shootout, which is a shorter race with limited cars. Its also the first stock car race of the season, a non points race, and often just kind of fun. We went to it several years in a row, but its always so cold the night of the race, and shivering in the stands gets less appealing as you lose interest in the racing (I blame the “car of tomorrow”). Last year during the Daytona 500 the track got a pothole. So over the summer and fall they ripped up and redid the track, which changes the racing surface drastically, which also changes the way the race is. Over the off season, they also changed the design of the cars. It resulted in a bunch of two car packs running around the race track, with pretty much luck getting the leader into the lead. Suffice it to say it wasn’t a great race, and I was pretty bored. That and Tony didn’t have a great night, so that automatically makes it no fun.

Now that you’ve skipped that, I went to the hospital to see my mom today. She wasn’t there. I went to the nurses station to find out where she was, and they’d discharged her back to the nursing home. Uh, thanks for letting me know! So I went to the nursing home and saw her. She was a lot more coherent so I think what really happened was the whole not seeing me and being in the unfamiliar hospital threw her already slightly confused brain into a tizzy and it seemed like she’d had another stroke or something. Now I guess we just wait to see how much this almost two week hospital stay set back her physical therapy.

Zach got to meet some of the Magic players and shoot hoops with them. Sounded like he had a good time. He didn’t get to have JJ Redick call me like I asked though. Something about a really long line. As if he could have gotten him to call me. Ha! Tomorrow I’m making him do the laundry, just because. I don’t want all this good luck going to his head.

So, in summary, today was boring. I kinda needed that.