Still really tense and that’s been keeping me from sleeping well lately.  My ceiling fan was making a ticking sound and it was making me very angry since I’m already on edge. When it was time to go to bed I was in knots. Then Jon was snoring which woke me up, then he got really quiet which woke me up. He ended up getting sick from dinner.

My fault. If I’d just said I didn’t want to go there like I didn’t want to, he wouldn’t have gotten sick. I tried to take care of him but he left and went home saying he wanted to stretch out. Apparently my giving him 90% of the bed wasn’t enough. I did something wrong to make him leave at nearly 5 am.

I wanted to get in my car and drive away. Drive to the beach and watch the sunrise. Something to get out of this place where everything is going so wrong. I didn’t though because Zach was still up and I didn’t want him to feel like I was running out on him. Plus I think he wanted to come and I just really wanted to be alone. I’d take off for the west coast but I can’t really be gone with the car all day.

I just feel like I can’t quite escape, and I need to.