Ugh

Last Monday my dad was out “helping” Zach in the yard, and in his drunkenness he fell and hurt his arm. Initially the arm was bruised but then it started swelling. He wouldn’t let me take him to have it looked at. He was soaking it in hot water and epsom salts, not sure what that was supposed to do. Last night he started talking about his impending death. I guess he’s having trouble swallowing, so its possible the throat cancer is returning.

He was given kind of an ultimatum last night that we either take him to the hospital or call 911. He said give his arm one more day because it was getting better. Obviously it is no better today, so I called 911 knowing he would refuse to go, but at least if something happened to him and his arm looked like that there would be something on record  that I didn’t ignore the problem. The paramedics talked to him and he refused. They told him his arm was infected and if he didn’t have it treated he would go into sepsis and probably die. He said that was what he wanted and still refused treatment. They called out the people in charge of the unit, he still refused. They talked to a doctor who said bring him whether he wants to or not. They had to call the police to threaten to Baker act him to get him to go, but he finally went.

I imagine they will treat his arm. If the cancer is back, I seriously doubt he’ll want to fight it a third time. He’s depressed and ready to just die.

I’m just kind of beside myself with the whole thing. I feel like I shouldn’t have gone against his wishes. He’s not going to forgive me for this, and honestly I’m a bit frightened he might get violent with me. I feel like I should hide every knife in the house. Luckily the only gun we have is a really old rifle that is buried and hidden in the top of my closet. He doesn’t even know about it as it was my grandfathers.

I just feel so confused and stuck right now. I don’t know if I should even go to the hospital or if I should just send Zach.

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