Long while

It’s certainly been long enough since I posted anything here. I apologize for that to anyone who enjoys my posts. I’ve just been in a huge rut with nothing to say.

It would be easier to come up with things to tell you if I actually did anything. My life has mostly consisted of sleeping and sitting around in my pajamas watching tv. I don’t want to admit how long its been since I cleaned the house or cooked a meal instead of eating out or getting take out. I also don’t want to admit how much weight I’ve put on, but that’s been an ongoing thing since my mom died. Speaking of that, tomorrow will be one year that she’s been gone.

I’ve tried to get myself going to the gym, setting myself up with the trainer again, but my confidence and drive are missing. They’re missing in every aspect of my life, really. I haven’t picked up a camera, or started a knitting project in ages. I’ve read a couple of books but the current one I’m reading I’m dragging through. I feel like I’ve been in this stuck with no motion place for a year. I don’t think I’ve gotten far in accepting she’s gong. Just Monday night I got up to go tell her something. You’d think by now I’d be in some sort of acceptance phase. Nothing has been enjoyable since she died.

In other news, Zach finished his first two semesters of college. He decided to not do summer classes though. I think he should have done at least one, but whatever, The older he gets, the less say I have. He keeps himself buys, even if he’s just playing video games. My dad seems to be dong fine. I need to make a doctors appointment for him for a scan and check-up. I’ve got to quit dragging my feet.

Summer is here. I know its a fun season for a lot of people but I can’t stand the heat and humidity. Plus we really didn’t have much of a winter so its like there was very little time to recover from the heat. I will enjoy afternoon thunderstorms though. meanwhile I’ll just be wishing for October.

I wish I could write a more upbeat post, include some pictures or something. I’ll try harder next time. Hopefully next time won’t be four months from now.

One thought on “Long while

  1. Just put one foot in front of the other. Work, having a purpose, is actually helpful in dealing with grief. You need to commit to doing something and do it every day – even if it is something easy like putting on lipstick and “play” clothes (not stuff you’d wear to the store but not pajamas) so you could walk outside if the mood struck.
    I suggest going to see YOUR doctor – your dad’s appointments are important, but right now you need some visits, too. I am not an MD but it sounds like you are suffering from depression and you don’t have to do that.
    You are young, you are interesting, you deserve to enjoy life.
    I am thinking good thoughts your way – and I am glad you are writing again!


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