hysteria and sleep

I feel like shit. Not going to mince words here. Sorry if you don’t like a potty mouth. After several days of barely sleeping I slept for 18 hours yesterday. That of course meant I couldn’t sleep last night. Along with being tired I’m dizzy and having trouble staying focused. The trouble focusing makes sense but the dizziness, I’m beginning to think my brains are fried. Its probably from my sinuses, as messed up as they’ve been.

I’m pretty much a hysterical, stressed out mess. I’ll start crying out of nowhere, and then I just keep crying. I’ve been keeping myself in the house as much as possible. Not a good way to be dealing with the public. I took my dad to his radiation on Monday, and to see the doctor. He flat out lied and told them he wasn’t smoking. I should have called him out but I was drained, feeling sick, and not really wanting to get smacked in the head later.

I need some sort of normalcy in my life. I need this cancer treatment fiasco (which he’s not even sure he’s going to complete) to be over. I need a time to get up and a time to go to bed. I need set things I do during the day. I need to take complete days where I just leave the house and don’t come back for several hours. I just need everything to change, which is absolutely impossible.

I just feel like I can’t take much more.

3 thoughts on “hysteria and sleep

  1. You’ve read what’s going on with my family. I know exactly what you mean about normalcy. Exactly.

    Where you can, you need to try to create routine for yourself. I’ve read that if you force yourself to get up at the same time every day, no excuses, eventually it’ll become routine. And if you’re getting up earlier, you’ll be more inclined to go to sleep earlier at night.

    Can you get out of the house every day for an hour or so, even if it’s just to go for a drive and clear your head?

    Make every Wednesday afternoon your movie day. Go to a movie. Do something to take your mind off everything else.

    Look at me, giving advice. Haha.

    I hope things turn around for you soon.


  2. I’m so, so sorry, and wish I could lift your burden. This is just not right for a young and vital person as yourself. You do need normal. There are a lot of us out here, even though we are strangers, who hold good thoughts and best of wishes that the trials you are facing today will be lifted in the near future.

    Just a thought, and perhaps this won’t work, but every now and then I take a Benedryl before bedtime. My doc and pharmacist say it is okay to do, as long as it is not everyday, because you will build up a resistence. It might give you a few hours of sleep.



  3. Oh, Heather! I am so sorry. Start standing up for yourself and making time for You. Don’t listen to that little voice in your head that says you aren’t supposed to be “selfish.”
    You are the hub of your family’s wheel and if you aren’t functioning well, nothing is working right. Value yourself; if you want to tell the Dr that your dad is smoking do so without fear. If he says anything to you later; look him in the eye and say “Did you raise me to lie? I didn’t think so.”
    You really need some advocates for you there but since we can’t be there in person remember that as Penny said there are a lot of us out here pulling for you. We’re little angels sitting on your shoulder. I’m the mean one, waiting to bop people in the head who make you unhappy/uncomfortable:)


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