hysteria and sleep

I feel like shit. Not going to mince words here. Sorry if you don’t like a potty mouth. After several days of barely sleeping I slept for 18 hours yesterday. That of course meant I couldn’t sleep last night. Along with being tired I’m dizzy and having trouble staying focused. The trouble focusing makes sense but the dizziness, I’m beginning to think my brains are fried. Its probably from my sinuses, as messed up as they’ve been.

I’m pretty much a hysterical, stressed out mess. I’ll start crying out of nowhere, and then I just keep crying. I’ve been keeping myself in the house as much as possible. Not a good way to be dealing with the public. I took my dad to his radiation on Monday, and to see the doctor. He flat out lied and told them he wasn’t smoking. I should have called him out but I was drained, feeling sick, and not really wanting to get smacked in the head later.

I need some sort of normalcy in my life. I need this cancer treatment fiasco (which he’s not even sure he’s going to complete) to be over. I need a time to get up and a time to go to bed. I need set things I do during the day. I need to take complete days where I just leave the house and don’t come back for several hours. I just need everything to change, which is absolutely impossible.

I just feel like I can’t take much more.