I keep having these nights where I just can’t sleep. My head hits the pillow, my mind turns on and my eyes are wide open. I fight to sleep, but eventually end up giving up. I just don’t have the fight to try to force myself to sleep.

So I’m sitting here, 6:14 am, after a long night awake. I did use my time wisely and searched for recipes. I’m going to have to start cutting everything in half. I’m used to cooking for four, and now its just two since my dad can’t eat. Zach and I have been guilty of eating out all the time, but that has to stop because of cost and the fact that we’re both putting on weight. Going in the opposite direction of where I want to be going. I also need to lay off the beer and wine. Talk about empty calories. It could also be contributing to my not sleeping.

My uncle sent me a few pictures from when I was about three. That’s my mom on the left, my aunt to the right. We were at Sandia Mountain.

This must be from when we were driving across the country from California to Florida, before my dad went to Germany. My mom didn’t really age much until she started dialysis. I mean, she aged, but she still looked a lot like the same person. She seemed ageless to me. I’m running out of distractions and am going to have to start going through her stuff soon. My dad’s already doing more that I expected or that I’m almost comfortable with.I mean, yeah, she was his wife, but as far as I’m concerned Mom trumps wife.

Hmm. Maybe I’ll go eat some breakfast and then go to the gym.

One thought on “insomnia

  1. That’s a great picture. Is that adorable child in the middle you? That’s a great way to remember your mom. You should post more pictures if you find any. Might help to remember her when she was healthy and before any of the illness took its toll.

    I highly recommend getting in there and going through her stuff. My dad gave away pretty much everything of my mom’s when she died, and I have nothing now. Of course, I was 3 at the time, so it’s not like I had much say, but if I did, I’d definitely have put my foot down. I think my dad wanted all memory of her out of the house because it was too painful for him to have reminders of her around.


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