Stream of anxiety

The power has been out for 48 hours now. I keep thinking of all of the spoiled food. The stagnant air. I feel like my room is closing in around me. I’ve been feeling this way all day.

It’s not that I haven’t gotten out of the house. I took my dad to the doctor this morning. I saw his stomach, the inflamed and oozing area around the dark hole where his feeding tube goes in. My muscles have been tense since then. I feel helpless.

I went out last night. Had too much to drink and made a stupid mistake. It also reminded me that I have to be careful with the alcohol. I’ve been careless lately, using it to self-medicate the stress of my life away. I need to take a big step back and find an alternative means to deal with the stress.

This week has felt like too many wrong turns.

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