Yes, today I am sitting on my butt in bed, still in my pajamas, watching Last Holiday. Tonight I’m going to try to watch Deathly Hallows. Haven’t seen it yet. Whatever the movie, its an escape from reality for a little while.
My mom got out of the hospital and back to the nursing home on Thursday. Friday they sent her back to the hospital because for some inexplicable reason, her fistula started to bleed and they couldn’t get it to stop. I have no idea why that happened. She’s resting now after having dialysis. She’s so exhausted. I don’t know how much more she can take, and that worries me.
My car is fixed and maintained. Its good to get it out of the way. I still need a new motor mount because one is cracked, but apparently its not a major crack and will wait to be fixed. Its nice to have the AC again considering how warm its getting. The pool definitely needs another algae treatment, so I need to get around to that. I’m not sure I’m getting the filter backwashed enough and maybe the algae is hanging around in there. I wish I knew. Guess I’ll just keep trying and asking for advice at the pool store.
I watched the Royal wedding yesterday. I was awake long enough for the ceremony and then passed out again. It was a lovely, long ceremony. I thought Kate’s dress was very demure and appropriate, but young at the same time. Timeless. That’s the word I’m looking for.
Time for The Other Boylen Girl.
I took my car in to be fixed today. The air bag light was just a bad code. The AC is some little transistor thing that keeps the AC unit cool. They didn’t have the part in so I go back tomorrow morning. Also found out my timing belt needs to be replaced. That’s unfortunately not a cheap repair, but they’re giving me a decent deal on everything. There’s a lot that goes into the timing belt package, I can’t even remember what all it is. There are a couple of other minor things but they can wait. It could be a lot worse, though. At least I found out about the timing belt before it broke or something. Then the repair would be nearly four times more costly.
The pool is looking good. I may have to do one more algae treatment to get rid of all of it, but I’m ok with that. That’s minor work. I need to replace a pipe on the pump, the one that carries the water out when I backwash the pool. Currently I have water spitting everywhere when I do it, and its really annoying. I think I might see if I can enlist my neighbor to help me with that sometime soon. He’s very helpful when I’m trying to fix things and need help. Unless one of you wants to come help? You’re all out of the area? Ho hum.
I got a cleaning bug up my butt yesterday and used it. The house is cleaner than it has been in a while. I also got the box of yarn out of my closet so I can actually get into my closet when I need to. Now I can use my mirror to full length again. I need to crawl in there and organize shoes and stuff. Not really excited about that. There’s a bunch of other stuff that needs a permanent residence outside of my closet as well. It becomes a dump all site for me.
Today for me was just another Sunday. Laundry, out to visit mom. She’s doing ok. She said she felt better today. She was also really groggy from benadryl. I’ll take the better though. That’s a good thing.
My sinuses are driving me crazy. I’ve been taking my allegra, but this seems to be immune to it, whatever I have. Maybe its a spring cold. I have been tired, but that’s not unusual. Zach is congested too, which is unusual. He doesn’t have seasonal allergies.
I took a nice picture of my pretty princess kitty.
She’s usually a pretty good subject. I do have one of her nose practically on the lens, too. These were the first pictures I’ve felt like taking for a while. I know I said I was thinking about going to Lake Eola last Friday, and its a good thing I didn’t try because they were having Good Friday services there. Would have been too crowded to park.
I made it to the knitting class yesterday. This is going to be a slow project because the yarn is so thin. I should be working on it while I wait for this iPhone update to download. Its taking forever. Seventy-one minutes remaining? Its like I’m on dial-up. Does that even exist anymore?
I had a brief moment of thought today while I was driving with the windows down. I thought “You know, things could be worse.” I have no idea where it came from, but its certainly true. Yes there’s a lot of crap going on, but it certainly could be a lot worse. I could not have the things I have. I could be totally alone. I could not have a car instead of just having one with issues. You get the picture.
I’ve almost been triumphant over the pool! You can see through the water today. The bottom is still green so I’ll probably end up treating it again, but its a start. Gives me something that feels useful to do. Not that there isn’t plenty of other stuff waiting to be done.
I had another night where I barely got any sleep and was up at 7am. This has seriously got to stop.
This week, this month, this year, all of it, I feel like I’m just cursed with bad luck. Why do these things keep happening to me and the people I care about? I guess my parents being sick isn’t my bad luck, the causes can be found for their illness, but it does affect me. So do plumbing problems, roof problems, pool problems, car problems.
I had Zach sweep the sides of the pool the other day. This turned the pool green because of mustard algae. I went to the pool store with a water sample and the guy told me what to do. I did all the chemicals yesterday and brushed the pool to stir up the algae (which went against every fiber of my being). The water looks a little better today, or at least it did until I went and stirred things up again. I find brushing the pool to be a very methodical, almost relaxing thing to do, which is weird. I think I felt that way because the algaecide and chlorine are working. I keep having to backwash the filter a bit, but that’s no big deal. This is kind of like a project I can see another end to.
Earlier this week the airbag light on my dash lit up and its not going out, so I figure I’ll have to take it to the dealership. Then yesterday the fan for my AC stopped working. This is not the kind of weather for that, so I need to get that fixed first thing next week. I can’t be hauling my dad around with no AC. They did say the airbag light might be just the buckle, so please cross your fingers that that is all it is.
I must depart soon for my knit-a-long/class thing. We’re working on a shawl. Mine will be a lovely light blue. It will give me something to do while I sit around waiting for my car next week.
Also, it seems I’ve forgotten how to use my camera. Have to start practicing again, I guess.
The week, that is. I’d say I’m looking forward to spending Saturday in bed but I signed up to go to a knit-a-long/class thing. Thought it might do me some good. Either it will, or it it will be one more project sitting on needles not getting done. Or both.
My mom had a procedure yesterday to clean out the wound on her leg from her bypass surgery, then today had one to place a catheter for dialysis. I guess they are having trouble with her fistula. They’ve done these procedures in the afternoon so she gets back to her room in the evening and is groggy, so I’ve only gotten to talk to her. Tomorrow she’ll have dialysis, which I’m hoping they’ll do early so I can see her in the afternoon. She was at dialysis Tuesday when I went, so I went to the dialysis unit but only got to see her for a short time before they asked me to leave.
I’m wondering when I’m going to hit rock bottom, because I’m beginning to think I won’t bounce back at all until I’ve hit as low as I can. What that low is, I don’t know. I don’t really want to find out either.
Tomorrow is treatment day for dad, so back out to MD Anderson. He had a doctors appointment today, but after sitting in the waiting room for an hour, he insisted on leaving. Debating taking my camera and leaving him, then going to Lake Eola to take pictures. Not sure yet. I guess I’ll see how I feel in the morning.
My dad had a doctors appointment this morning. Apparently its not a problem that he missed his chemo appointment on Friday. The medicine he’s getting now is not considered a chemo med, its just some sort of blocker. In two weeks the doctor will decide if his last two treatments will be full chemo and not just this erbitux he’s getting now. He sees the surgeon on Thursday so I guess we may find out if surgery for the hole in his throat is still a possibility.
The rehab/nursing home called me today to see if my mom would be coming back there when she’s released from the hospital. I don’t know what else we can do. She still needs some rehab. I understand that they’re concerned because she’s been in the hospital so much, but its not been their fault. The social worker also said that if she’s going to be DNR, she needs to have a legal one before she goes back. Lovely thought, right?
The power company sent us a letter stating that since the account is technically in the name of an estate, it had to be changed to the name of the homeowner, so that $645 to change the name had to be spent. They were “nice” enough to split it into two payments. I still think its ridiculous. I shouldn’t have called, I guess. I shouldn’t have been honest. I should have pretended to be my dead grandmother I guess. Honesty hits you financially. The world is not a fair place.
So suffice it to say I’m not in a great mood. I cancelled my gym appointment with my trainer because I just couldn’t imagine doing it. I feel like there is something inside me that needs to be centered, and I need to focus on figuring that out. I should be able to exercise through it, but I just feel stretched so thin that one less thing to do was a nice idea. I mean, I feel like I have too many things to do and I can’t get them done, and I get exhausted before I even try to do anything. Then I get upset with myself for not doing stuff. I feel like I’m in a no win situation. I need to find someone to talk things through with, maybe. A therapist? We all know I could use one.
I’m awake, so I thought I might as well blog. I turned on my computer and felt really tired, but remembered I had laundry in the washer. I took care of that and then I couldn’t fall asleep. So now I’m here. I barely slept last night. This isn’t going to be a pretty day unless I get a nap.
After I wrote my last blog post about my mother being moved to a different hospital, I got a call from her cardiologist. He wanted to touch base with me, and ask if she or we would want her resuscitated or kept alive by machines. She has a living will so I told him she and we didn’t want that. That call really scared me. All along with these hospital stays her doctors have been telling me “she’s very very sick.” I know that. If she wasn’t she wouldn’t be in the hospital every other week. But thinking she might not make it through is just more than I want to think about. I hate her suffering, but I’m not ready to lose my mother. Selfish, I know.
I saw her yesterday and she looked really rough. She’d had surgery that morning to put in a central line, and she was tired and had no color in her face. The dialysis tech tending to her was nice enough to come and put her arm around me when I started sobbing. “Talk to God. He will help you” was what she told me. I just sat there with that thought in my head. I’m not a religious person, but those words in my mind were oddly calming.
I’m going to tell Zach today that I want him to take over worrying about the outside of the house. I can’t keep worrying about the weeds that need to be pulled and the bushes that need to be cut back or removed. I need one less thing on my shoulders. Then maybe I can take care of the house better than I have been. I may have killed almost all of my herbs by forgetting to water them for a couple days. I gave them a good soaking and I guess I’ll wait and see what happens.
I noticed the other day when I drive, even when I’m stopped at a light, my hands are gripping the steering wheel like my life depends on it. I don’t know if its other tension manifesting when I drive, or if I’ve just become a really tense driver. Then again, when someone makes a right turn in front of me from the left lane, it makes me think, maybe clutching the steering wheel for dear life is the right thing to do.
The plumbing problem was not the drain field. At least not for now (I still think there is a problem with them-they are 50 years old, but if they can hold off being replaced that’s fine). They replaced part of a pipe that goes into the septic tank because the old line was corroded. Still had a little trouble getting the washer to drain but eventually with enough snaking it worked. Hopefully it holds longer than five months this time.
The owner of the septic company that did it has a thing for me so I got a decent discount and it didn’t cost quite what I was afraid it was going to cost. I’m not making assumptions about that thing he has, he asked me out. I managed to get a week before he calls me, but then I don’t know what I’ll do. Nice guy, not my type, a little old for me. I feel kind of like I should have a drink with him since he gave me such a cut rate, and I might need that cut rate again in the future, but that’s pretty much whoring myself out, isn’t it? Or is it since the work is already done? Well shit.
My mom is still in the hospital. Yesterday all she did was sleep while I was there. It was a dialysis day, so she was worn out. I decided I would call her before I went today and SURPRISE! She’s been transferred to Florida Hospital South! And nobody called to tell me! I don’t know if its because of HIPPA that they didn’t let me know, or they assumed she had no family since she came from a nursing home. So I would have gone to Winter Park Hospital and walked into some strangers room. That would have been the highlight of my day. Of course, last time she was in Winter Park they discharged her without letting me know. I’d rather she just not go there. The level of care is not on par with South, and South lets me know when she’s discharged and usually when she’s been moved to another unit.
Went out last night. Had too much “fun” again. At least there is no chance I’ll go out tonight. Supernatural is new! My Friday’s are booked through the end of the season.
Oh, also, last notes. My dad refused to go to chemo today because it was “too early.” He’ll have to deal with the doctor on Monday. I think that has got to be the dumbest reason. Hopefully it won’t screw him up too much. Also,
New shoes make me happy. I want them in more colors. Now.
This is turning out to be a somewhat stressful week. I won’t know the full brunt of the stress until sometime tomorrow, though.
On Monday I got a call from the nursing home that they’d sent my mom to the hospital (this is a week after she’d gotten out). She couldn’t move her left side. The hospital said she definitely had a stroke, but it doesn’t seem to have major lasting effects. She’s already regained some movement in her left side. I was so happy to see that today. They still need to do an MRI. I guess they went to do one today but she couldn’t hold still long enough. Hopefully the second time will be the charm. I’m still worried about her recovery after all of this. I know she won’t be as strong as she’s been in the past, but she needs to be able to move independently.
The other stressor is the washing machine backing up when it drains. The plumber came and cleaned out the line, which didn’t fix it. The septic tank is full, which is insane since it was pumped in November. This means we have a bad drain field. The septic tank people will be here tomorrow to check everything out. I’m not sure how much it costs to have a drain field replaced, and I’m afraid to find out. Actually, I think we have two bad drain fields. We have two septic tanks-one for kitchen/laundry and one for the bathrooms. I just have this gut feeling they are both bad. Usually the grass over a drain field grows faster than the rest of the grass because of the extra water, but there’s no difference anymore.
I’ve been handling the stress pretty well, I think. I’ve been extra tired. Last night I was up with a stabbing pain in my right side. Its down to a dull ache. I’ve gotten to the gym twice this week. Meant to go three but I just didn’t get myself there yesterday. Otherwise, I’ve been well behaved. Still not finding the desire to do my usual things though, no pictures, no knitting, still haven’t put away my clean laundry. My brain just feels a bit clouded.
I was just commenting over on Geoff’s blog that I haven’t been to the beach in six years. Zach goes with his friends often. I just, don’t. I don’t like the crowds, I get burned, I have to drive home, all of that stuff keeps me away. I remember a really good weekend in 2002 when Zach and I stayed overnight in Treasure Island and went to the beach and went boating. Really liked the west coast beaches.
Generally, though, I don’t like to be out in the heat and sun, which is why its odd that I enjoy gardening and own a bathing suit. Just this week its been hot, and I’ve been withering. The pool is getting close to swimmable, even. I just need to clean it. (at least the water is clear)
I’ve been a complete lazy oaf this weekend. I watched movies in bed all day Saturday, and today I’ve just been sitting around, plus doing laundry. Learned that the kitchen/laundry line is backed up AGAIN (like it was in November, plumbing hell month, too). Have to call the plumber tomorrow. Why does the plumbing have to go and stress me out? First world problems. At least it didn’t crop up until I was washing the last load of clothes.
I’m not inspired to do anything. Haven’t felt like picking up the camera, don’t feel like knitting, don’t want to go to the gym, still have plants waiting for pots and a million weeds to pull. I just want to watch movies and be completely lazy. Its the heat, I’m telling you. The summer is going to thwart my weight loss goal. Except maybe not because I can always exercise in the AC at the gym or at home. Just got new pilates DVD’s this week.
An iPhone sunset from the front seat of my car.
Oh, I’d mentioned I was going back to blonde a couple of weeks ago. Didn’t happen. Decided to stay dark. Its more interesting on me I think.
So ends this rambling, running thought blog.