An app for that

At least I can blog. That’s about the only thing I can do. It’s been raining for 24 hours and the power has been out for 23. They hope to get the power back on by midnight. There were trees down all over the place. We’ve had nearly four inches of rain today alone.

I’m going stir crazy. It’s completely still and silent except for the rain falling on the roof and splashing in the puddles. I finally got dressed thinking that would make me feel like I had a direction as opposed to lying around in my pajamas. I was up at 7 something with the cat. I took something of a nap in the late morning, clinging to my phone so as to not drop my games of words with friends. I kept waking and clutching the phone when I would feel it slip.

Days like this when I have nothing to do to keep my mind occupied are dangerous. There are too many thoughts to sift through. Too many questions. All of the “what ifs” my brain can come up with. There really needs to be a switch to shut off some brain functions. In the mean time I’ll sit here and stew in my thoughts.

150

This is my 150th blog post. Huzzah!

So its Tuesday, and I’ve had my fill of frustration. I was finding out what it takes to transfer the name on utilities. The power company wants a $645 deposit ON AN ACTIVE ACCOUNT just to change the name of the person its billed to. Unfuckingbelievable. I mean, really. Going from my deceased grandmothers name to my mothers name. Six-hundred and forty five dollars. To get them to change from direct account billing to sending us a bill I have to fax crap that says my mother is the executor of the estate. Too many hoops to jump through if you ask me. I haven’t even tried the phone, water, waste or cable yet. If you’re wondering why the utilities are still in the name of someone who has died, its because my mother didn’t see any reason to change them. In some cases I guess it doesn’t make a difference, though.

I was lamenting the fact that I finished a bottle of wine I really like the label on. Apparently there are ways to remove the label for keeping. Most interesting.  Wish I’d though of that with my last bottle of wine. I admit, the label does effect my wine purchase, along with cost and type of wine. This is my latest. Please excuse the mess behind it.

I love the colors, and the way it looks like images collected by a traveler. It was a good wine, too. I’ve only recently decided to broaden my horizons beyond Muscato and Riesling. Last wine I tried was a Granache from Spain. I’m not really into red wine because of the tannins, but I tried it and kinda liked it. I would buy it again if I were in the mood. The only thing I need to do is keep my wine drinking in check, and not drink too much or I could run into problems again. That addiction runs in the family and its a bitch to fight with.

I wish I could say that I had a very productive weekend and started the week off with a bang, but I can’t, really. I did the gym yesterday. I was going to go today but I was too frustrated and headachy (probably would have been good reasons to go). Tomorrow I get “pampered” to an extent. I’m getting my hurr did. Going to try to go back to blonde, which is my natural color, and get a trim. Yay! No more split ends!

What did you do with your weekend?

 

Saturday night’s alright for ice cream

Double dark chocolate ice cream, that is. Actually, it was gelato. Must be proper now. Italian ice cream is extra special, and healthy.

I feel like this blog needs a picture.

I took this picture a couple of years ago, when I first got my 50mm lens. However, the photo remains relevant. This cat is still around, stalking me for food and keeping me company when I’m bored. She’s a spoiled princess. I was going to go to Lake Lily to take pictures but after visiting mom and going to the grocery (finally), it was later in the day than I wanted to go. Plus there were a few drops of rain here and there. Maybe I’ll take my camera to the hospital with me tomorrow and stop on the way home. Weather and time permitting.

When I go to the grocery, I’m pro at getting fruit to have around. I get some every time. But when it comes to vegetables, I look at them and draw a blank. I don’t know which ones to get. I think some of this is Publix fault, because the produce section is set up with the fruit stacked plentifully in the center, and the vegetables not as fully stocked on the outer edges. I’m so used to preparing mostly frozen vegetables, and I’m the only one home who is eating them now (except for the guinea pigs). Ahh, catch 22.

Regardless, Zach and I ran up to the bookstore tonight because I was bored. I went for a knitting magazine and came home with a Mediterranean cookbook (and my knitting magazine). I was looking through the cookbook, and everything was so fresh and simple. Things I can really see myself cooking and eating regularly. That should give me more vegetable inspiration I suppose. Now if I start eating better, and going to the gym, hopefully the pounds will start to go away. I think the gym is that real key component that I’m leaving out by only going once a week. I was just talking about that the other day.  I just need to find a way to hold myself accountable.

Funny how this went from gelato to the gym.

Tomorrow Zach is back at Bay Hill to watch the final round, so I can do things at my own pace. I should do laundry, but should is such an ugly word. Should needs to be replaced with something. Like when I say “I should go to the gym.” Should is not a motivator! What’s your motivator?

 

end of the week

Finally. This has been one weird week.

I briefly entertained the idea of taking down last nights blog, but what the hell. I was just pouring out thoughts and feelings about my Heather World Problems. Its the clear, from the gut truth from that moment. That’s what a blog should be, right? If not, I’m in the wrong place because I’m not good at making up fairy tales. There are just times that I wish I was able to live the life I want, or really just plain have a life away from family. Family is important, but they can’t be everything.

Turns out I did put too much algaecide in the pool, but I suppose it will work its way out. The pool has been covered in foamy scum all day, and I’ve been doing my best to scoop off as much as possible. Other than that, I’ve been lazy. I feel like I should be doing something productive, but I don’t know what that is. I was thinking about working on cleaning up the patio, or straightening up my room again (I’m almost like a lazy teenager). I was going to go out and grab a bite to eat, maybe hit the gym, or go to the grocery which I REALLY need to do, but then I remembered, I don’t have my car tonight. Go figure. (that would be a Heather World Problem right there).

You know, its a lovely evening. You’ll find me on the patio.

you came in with the breeze

Cats are not helpful when it comes to untangling yarn. They might think they are helpful, but frankly, they are not.

I have a bruise on my right foot from trying to help start a chainsaw. These are sore.

My dad’s surgical oncologist said today that the chemo helped more than they could have hoped and thinks another round of chemo (starting April 8th) and some radiation will knock the tumor out. After that is a complicated surgery to repair the hole in his mouth/throat/tumor area. This is good news, but nobody asked what it would do to me. I suppose I really don’t matter in all of this, when you look at the bigger picture, though.

My mother still refuses to let go of toes that won’t heal. Eventually they will get infected again and take more of the toe than is involved now. Its not necessary that she have the parts of toes removed, so what I say really doesn’t matter. I think she’ll regret it, her foot will hurt, she will not move around, and the circulation in her right leg will become as poor as it was in the left leading to another bypass or amputation. I might make a different call the second time around. But when you look at the bigger picture, what I think really doesn’t matter, does it?

I’m beginning to think I was put on this earth just to care for my parents. Eventually, I’ll have a heart attack from the stress of it all, and they’ll be left to fend for themselves. So why not have a big blow out now? Make sure I get my celebration in?

Oh, because I can’t. I have parents to take of, and a son to watch after. A life of my own selfish construction is not in the cards.

I know why all of this is coming out now, while I gnaw on raw sunflower seeds (they’re healthy, you know) and drink filtered water (better than tap water with all its chemicals). I took a wrong turn. Instead of turning to go knit at the knitting store with the Thursday night crowd of middle aged ladies, I went home. I swept the sides of the pool and poured in probably too much algaecide. I got on Facebook and saw that someone locally that I know was looking for local dinner company. I went. I drank wine and had conversation. I pet a friendly dog without sneezing. I enjoyed my time with him and wished it could have lasted longer. I felt robbed that my life hasn’t had this for five years. Five fucking years! I’m surprised I didn’t follow him home, just like his dog. I would have if I didn’t have concern over having an 18-year-old to answer to. Yes, I answer to people because I am twelve, or at least I feel like that’s what I’m supposed to be.

[Deep breath]. Ok. I should feel better now. Instead I feel like stomping around. Because I am twelve. Stomp stomp stomp. Maybe I can go outside and stomp.

Now I know its Wednesday

Right?

There are two extra teenagers here. They came to build an electric car that’s due tomorrow in their physics class. They got something to work, so good on them. I certainly would have been baffled by it. I don’t know nothin’ bout buildin’ no models.

I have purchased plants to be planted.

Mostly herbs to redo my potted herb garden that fell to the heat and my hatred of the heat. You would think I would give up, knowing the summers here are obnoxious, but I keep on getting plants. Several have been sitting around waiting for me to plant them for a few weeks now. My allergies (which are doing a lot better thanks to Allegra), pure laziness, and lack of planning have kept me from doing so. I mean, I could have been out there today putting plants to pot, but nooo. I stayed in all day. Well, No, I went out to put chlorine in the pool and check the chemicals, but that’s it. I came back in.

I think I’m just daunted by the sheer amount of work that needs to be done outside.There are weeds weeds weeds, far as the eye can see. There are leaves to clean up from the neighbors trees, the patio is messy. The pool deck needs to be cleaned, and so does the pool. And all of that is just the back yard. I haven’t walked around the back yard to see what survived last years plantings because the weeds are up to my knees practically. Oh why must it be such a mess???

I supposed something will get me off of my rump sooner than later. Maybe if I can coax Zach out to work too, so I feel like there is more being accomplished. That might do it.

I thought it was Wednesday all day

That really does throw your mind off for the day. I kept having to correct myself and remind myself it was Tuesday.

My dad was sprung from MD Anderson today. While I was driving there to pick him up, I was feeling pretty proud of myself for not being scared of downtown, and not worrying about getting lost anymore. I know what a lot of the buildings are, I know how to get to Lake Eola now, and I’ve discovered there are lots of neat things I want to go and take a better look at. I think I’m going to start before downtown, though, and go to the Ivanhoe area. But speaking of downtown, there was one picture from Saturday that turned out alright.

Its the giant asparagus in front of city hall! Actually its called the Tower of Light, which I don’t understand because a) its in the shadow of tall buildings so the light doesn’t really get to it, and b) it doesn’t light up at night. I think those are a couple of the reasons its called the giant asparagus.

The mother is still in the hospital. I didn’t get to stop and see her because someone else was antsy about coming home, and I’d had a doctors appointment earlier. I talked to her briefly and she’s alright, but still in pain. I’m afraid she may be for a while. I’ve definitely got to get there tomorrow to see her. Hopefully she won’t be in dialysis like she was yesterday when I went to see her and couldn’t see her. The father is supposedly restarting chemo next Friday. Joy.

over the weekend

I am so wiped out right now I could probably fall asleep right now, but I’ve got clothes in the washing machine, plus a few dishes to do.

I guess this was a fairly eventful weekend, as my weekends go. Today, along with laundry, I got an oil change, got my car washed, and went to Lowes, though I didn’t look at everything at Lowes I had intended on looking at. I got distracted. Happens easily.

Yesterday after going to see my dad at MD Anderson and mom at Florida Hospital (so convenient to have them in two separate places that are five miles apart), Zach and I stopped by the Winter Park Sidewalk Art Festival. I hadn’t been in five years, so it was a nice treat to go. I bought a couple of black and whites, and enjoyed looking at a lot of other stuff that was priced too high. I love art glass, and they had plenty there.

This bowl was by Rich Fizer. He had a lot of interesting vases, bowls, and lots and lots of fish.

This was by Bill Slade. He had several interesting shapes and stacked glass pieces.

These I believe were by Brian Becher. I knew I should have grabbed business cards. I adored the piece on the right, but obviously it wasn’t coming home with me.

These I believe were by Scott Gamble (no website). Unfortunately the real detail doesn’t show in this size picture. Finally,

This fancy weather vane from someone whose work I cannot find in the guide book. Again, should have grabbed cards. I’ll remember that next year.

It was nice to be outside, it was nice to take pictures. Ran into an old friend from Valencia too. I took pictures of downtown on the way to MD Anderson but they are all over exposed (and taken through the windshield-Zach was driving). I’ll get downtown to take pictures sometime. As for my allergies, which should have drown me batshit at the art festival due to all of the oak trees, were not so bad. I guess Allegra works.

I have a busy week ahead of me with appointments and errands. Its kind of nice to be busy. Now, those dishes.

 

mid-week

Mom had bypass surgery in her leg yesterday. Today she looked so worn out and was in pain. She was also on dialysis when I was visiting so she was extra tired. I imagine she’ll be in the hospital for several more days. The one doctor still wants to remove those bad parts of her toes. I mentioned something about it to her today but it didn’t seem a concern because her toes were not the source of her pain.

My dad also went into the hospital last night. He had his CT in the morning, and they were afraid he had an infection in his abdomen. Another CT today ruled that out, but the area around his feeding tube is still infected so he’s there for at least another night. I’d prefer they’d keep him there  until the infection clears up but I doubt that will happen. At least as his body recovers from the chemo he’ll heal faster.

I’m being held hostage by my allergies. I feel horrible. I’m ready to chop down every oak tree I find. I want to go to the art festival this weekend but I’m afraid I’d sneeze on everyones stuff.

Enough from me. I’m ready for bed.

Monday

Today was not the best day. I didn’t fall asleep last night. I finally dozed off around 7am. Woke up early afternoon to messages from two of my mothers doctors.

First one I called was her vascular doctor/surgeon. He wasn’t able to restore circulation in her left leg, so they are going to do a bypass surgery to try to save it. Hopefully they can or they’ll have to amputate. The second was  her foot doctor who cleaned the wound on her feet today and took care of her nails. Two toes on her right foot have ulcers down to the bone. They won’t heal, so he recommends cutting off part of the toes, otherwise she’ll be in pain all the time. I have to convince her to do this, because when he asked her this morning pre-surgery if he could cut anything off she said no. She also apparently has a gangrenous toe on her left foot but that’s not the bigger issue. Its best that she have the toes done soon while her circulation is at its peak.

The recovery time for the bypass is three months. I don’t know what that means exactly, I should have asked what about it takes three months. If they have to amputate, I don’t know that we could bring her back home, because I can’t lift her, and i doubt she would work well with a prosthesis. It would probably make her more prone to falls.

Hopefully I’ll sleep tonight because tomorrow morning is my dad’s CT, and then results on Thursday. I’m holding onto all of the optimistic thoughts I can muster. I’d appreciate yours, too.