one of those days

I know, technically I already posted today with my late night post, but screw it. I need to vent, or at least type a bit.

I happened to be driving through downtown Orlando today and had an opportunity to snap a pic. Its the Grand Bohemian hotel downtown.

Grand BohemianI really like driving along Orange Avenue downtown. You’re surrounded by tall buildings, can catch a glimpse of the nightlife scene when nobody is there. I don’t feel so afraid of it anymore. Between driving that and Magnolia Ave I feel fairly oriented downtown. No, I couldn’t tell you what everything is, but I’m getting an idea, and I like that its not so foreign anymore.

I’ve been taking more of my 365 pictures on my iPhone when I’m out, and just directly upload them to flickr. That’s one of the reasons I haven’t been posting all of them. That and I don’t always have anything to say.

My dad got out of the hospital today. I’m hoping its not premature and that his stomach doesn’t get really bad again. I gather its still producing discharge, but they’ve given him stuff to put on it. Whatever, its not like there’s anything I can do about it.

I’ve been in a bad mood today. I couldn’t sleep last night and then was woken up early with a phone call letting me know my dad would be let go early afternoon. Then I called the nursing home about my mom’s appointment with the vascular surgeon on Monday. They want me to take her (hopefully she can get in and out of my car by now). Its at my usual gym time with the trainer but I just rescheduled that since the doctor apparently is only in the office once a week (wtf?). Then a girl from the nursing home called me to tell me I needed to sign readmission papers next time I visit her. Hello? She’s been back a week and a half, what was the holdup? I was expecting that call last week. I settled down to take a nap and was woken by a call to get my dad just when I was settling into a decent sleep. Took about an hour to get him out.

I went to the gym with Zach to try to burn off some of my frustration and, well, anger. I don’t know why I was so damn angry today. I was just resenting everything and feeling very “what about me?” I spent my 20’s, when most of my peers were going to college and exploring who they were raising a child. In my 30’s I started to not only raise a child but care for my parents. When is it going to be my time? As morbid as it is, it will probably be when my parents are dead. How is that any way to live your life? Its not, and I feel like I just exist for other people.

Frustration and anger led to an upset stomach, so I haven’ done anything this evening, except for this. Hope you had a better day.

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2 thoughts on “one of those days

  1. I understand, I felt that anger/frustration when my mother was tied to caring for my father and grandparents. Daddy died and the grandparents just got worse and worse and none of her siblings were worth a damn to help until my youngest aunt gave up her life out of state to come home and help. Are your parents terminal or is someone going to get well enough to take care of the other?
    Also check into some of the care giver groups and see about getting someone in a few days a week to give you a break.
    I’m glad you are engaging with the outside world. I enjoyed your comments on downtown MCO; I used to have meetings there regulalrly.

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  2. Yuck, I’m sorry. I can’t even imagine how frustrating this must be for you. Your parents are lucky to have such a caring daughter, but don’t forget to take care of yourself, too. I’m sure they’d agree that you need some ‘me time’. Maybe on the first day they don’t need your assistance (like if they’re in the hospital or just doing better) you can take a day trip or something.

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