mood

I’m in a mood. I have been since I woke up, or really was woken up. Today would have been a good day to sleep through.

Had to go to Petsmart for pet goods. Didn’t even say hi to or look at the guinea pigs and hamsters. Just grabbed what I needed. Went in Target, didn’t browse, just grabbed what I needed, let Zach get what he needed and that was that. No distractions. That alone should tell you I’m in a mood. I always dawdle through Target looking at stuff. Always!

I went to visit my mom. She was sleeping so I stayed for a few minutes, and then left her to rest. She was sick to her stomach most of last night. They never transfused her because her platelet count was ok, but they’re still keeping an eye on it. I was able to talk to a doctor while I was there and apparently people with kidney failure can have a low blood count. They’re going to keep her for a couple more days. This is not going to bode well with her progress in physical therapy.

When I left, I was sitting at a traffic light, and there was a kid behind me with booming bass. It was vibrating my car, my head already hurt, and I was annoyed. He was still behind me at the next light, where I had to stop and wait too. I was so annoyed I almost put the car in park, got out, and walked back to tell him to turn his damn music down. I mean, thisclose, but I tweeted instead. Then the light changed. He was lucky because what I really wanted to do was punch him. I’m just NOT in the mood for bullshit.

I put up new curtains last night. They have blackout lining. I wonder if not having the sun shining through in the morning made me grumpy. I’ll have to see if the pattern keeps up. If it does, I’ll cut the blackout lining out. I don’t get much sun as is, and some days the filtered light through the curtains is all the natural light I get. I just don’t go outside. I think its because the yard depresses me its so barren and ick. Plus it reminds me that I need to backwash the pool pump and clean the pool. I’m not used to keeping up with all of this stuff. The pool was my dad’s territory. So were the non-working sprinklers.Not that its not useful to learn how to do these things, but its just more stuff to think about and remember to do.

Tomorrow is a chemo day, doctors appointment before chemo. On goes life. I have a ticket for the Flogging Molly concert tomorrow night, too, but I’m pretty sure I’m going to be too drained to make it. I give up planning ahead.

Tired

My dad had an appointment with the dental oncologist yesterday. We waited, and waited. Finally he asked me what time it was. It was 4:15. His appointment was for 3:00. He got fed up and walked out. I can’t say I blame him. He already wasn’t feeling well, and then the doctor is running over an hour behind? That seems to be a problem over there even more than in regular doctors offices. I think they schedule too many appointments too close together. He has a doctor’s appointment before chemo on Friday so its going to be an early day. I just hope I get some decent sleep.

My mom is still kind of out of it. She seems to be getting a bit more oriented though. Not sure why she got so confused. It might have been my fault for not visiting while I was sick. She was in strange surroundings with nothing familiar around. She’s been sick to her stomach tonight and something something something her platelet count may be low so they called me to get permission for a transfusion if she needs it. Things just go from bad to worse. They were going to release her tomorrow, too. Now I have no idea.

I just wish there was a sign ¬†as to when things were going to slow down. Its getting to where I’m just thinking “Oh. Something else. Great.” My emotions are flatlined, and that’s not normal for me. Maybe it has something to do with fight or flight. Instead of fighting, I’ve just flown away to another place so I don’t have to cope. Its all really blah.